am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
