Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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