I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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