I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
