Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
