Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
