Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
