i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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