I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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