the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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