i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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