after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
