I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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