**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
