You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
