Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
