i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
