on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
