ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
