i jhust puked up my retainher.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
