I wish life had little blips of pornography
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
