How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
