So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
