Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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