i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
