Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
