Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
