Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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