please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize