My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
