Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
