mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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