FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
