Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
