he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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