i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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