Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What a dumb baby whore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
