Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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