if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!