Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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