One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature