Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.