So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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