Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
