my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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