we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
