It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
