Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
