Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
