when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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