In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
