Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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