we have pet lesbian snakes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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