i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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