If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
