so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
