How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
