dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
