we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
