Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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