I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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