I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
