you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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