So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
