how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
