So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need water and some morals
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize