And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
