I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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