he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize