Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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