I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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