He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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